Well, that was something.

I'm talking about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I have no idea what happened over the course of that film. And chances are, not even Shia LaBeouf does, either. All I know is that the only reason I made it through the 50-minute climactic battle scene in the Egyptian desert without falling asleep is because I had Fresh Banana Cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory to eat while I watched people run away from robots and stuff.

I heard that Michael Bay wrote at least part of this script himself during last year's writer's strike...and if it's true...well, it makes sense. I'm simply at a loss. What the hell happened in the 150-minute running time?! No idea. I'll tell you one thing, though: Michael Bay sure can light someone when he wants to. No one shoots panties like Michael Bay? No one shoots Megan Fox like him, either.

But the best part of the movie (and frankly, the only good part) was the approximately 2-second cameo appearance of the chair of my school's film department. Fortunately I was with a fellow film major and we both let out a scream comparable to the 14-year-old girls in the back row did when Shia LaBeouf showed up for the first time. (Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. But we were pretty psyched.)

Bottom line: If he cut about 4000 of the subplots out, it would've been better. And the jive-talking robots. We really didn't need any jive-talking robots.